You are Alabaster Soliloquy, hot-shit destroyer of anime pussy and five time champion of the North High Quiz Bowl. Your manly scent is the number-one cause of cock addiction amongst nukige heroines.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, anime hymen demolition expert and survivor of molestation.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, America's #1 purveyor of the public_use tag and victim of the most dedicated stalking campaign ever conducted by an adolescent girl.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, Goro in a gaijin's body and target of tomboy-perpetrated sexual violence.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, ahegao conjurer and ace attorney.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, defiler of bishoujos and casualty in the war for social justice.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, vexillologist and meringue aficionado.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, anime rapist and real-life rapist.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, moeblob connoisseur and owner of a lonely heart.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, anime virgin devirginer and fiesta organizer.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, dextrous danmaku dodging doujin devotee and cake fucker.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, nukige ubermensch and electro-shock therapy subject.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, mindbreak maestro and sex Lazarus.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, noted scanlator critic and siscon.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, nakadashi knight and savior of anime club.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, smartest third grader in West Elementary's Gifted and Talented Education Program.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, friendless loser.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, nee protector and 600 million yen man.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, faceless MC and ugly American.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, quest thread protagonist.
I am David Darkbloom, hot-shit institutor of anime instrumentality and king of the fucking world.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, hot-shit destroyer of anime pussy and six-time champion of the Fuck Bowl.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, hot-shit destroyer of anime pussy and five time champion of the North High Quiz Bowl. Your manly scent is the number-one cause of cock addiction amongst nukige heroines. ...But that was a lifetime ago.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, notorious image board shitposter and newly hired intern at the world's biggest tech company.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, Idolm@sturbator and victim of felony extortion.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, Hath millionaire and reverse NTR specialist.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, supporter of the male:succubus tag and rape survivor. #WatashiMo
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, galgamer and sexually curious young man. (You comfort yourself by remembering the first rule: it's not gay if the balls don't touch.)
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, onahole collector and bicycle tutor.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, yuri fan and hostage negotiator.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, sexiest man alive now that Aniki is gone and bedtime story reader extraordinaire.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, hot gluer and medical test subject.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, Gacha game addict and owner of an all-seeing eye. Sort of.
Y̧̨o̵̴u͠ ̢͜͡a̡r̢͟e ͏Ąl̶a̶̢b҉aś̷te͟r̸͘ ͏So҉l̷̢͜il̛̕͝o͘͟q͏ư̷ỳ̛, ̶́h̸o̕͢t͘-̀sḩ͞it͝ ̨͢des҉̕t́͝͏r͏oy̸e͜r̴҉̷ ̨͟of̴̵͘ ̡͞a̴n҉̧i̕ḿ͘e ̸̢pų͢sś̛y̵̷ a̕ņḑ ͘͞f͜͡i̴v̢e̸̢̨ ̵̵͏time ̶̛̛cḩa͟m͞p̵̷̴í̷ơǹ̶̵ ́̀ò͢f̶ ̡͞t̶͟h͢͡è ҉Ņ͡҉o̡̢̨r̢th́ ͞͡Hig͢͏̵h͠ ̴̡҉Qu̵͠iz͏ B͘o̶̡w̵̵l̸̡͝.҉́͝ ͢Y͏o̢̕͞ų͜͜r̀̀̕ m̷͏an͡l͜͞ý s͞cę͠ǹ̢t̀ ͟͠͝is̴ ̨҉͜ţ̛҉h̴҉͡e̸̶ ̸͢҉nų̸m̕͏̢b̷̷̧e͏r-̴ơ͢n̷̶͡e ̵҉c̨̀͞au̴̧̢s҉̷e͟ ̢͢o̵f̛͠ c͡͞ơ̷͡cķ̷ ͞a̸̕͡d̵̢̧di̧̕͢ç͟t̴̛į̷͞on̵͘ ̢a͡m҉̴͢o̸n҉gs̷t n͜uk͞i̸̵͠ģ̸e̢͝ ̵h͢͠e̢͘r̡o̸͞i̵͞͝n͡҉ès̸̷͢.̕͟
You are Rose Mallory, hot-shit defender of oppressed minorities and three-time champion of the North High Student Council.
You are Whitney Price, hot-shit anime-nerd virgin devirginer and trap trainer.
You are Cerise Soliloquy, hot-shit circuit bender and champion of... well, nothing. Your life hasn't gone the way you expected.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, reader of over 177,013 different doujins and recently free man.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, virtual loli defiler and real loli defiler.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, weeaboo and fuck quester.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, billionaire by proxy and somehow still sort of a loser.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, corporate glad-hander and oblivious MC.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, weeaboo inseminator and inseminator of weeaboos.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, kabedon kommando and bodysnatcher-catcher.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, NTR'r of megalomaniacs and bake-off runner-up.
You are Alabaster soliloquy, meganeko fetishist and LVP of the Darkbloom Analytics Annual Tennis Invitational.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, Sadpanda Spelunker and defiler of idols.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, seitokaichou emeritus and no-time champion of the bar quiz bowl.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, school idol and choke artist.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, billionaire bishonen and campaign manager.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, siscon and mega tsundere.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, human tank and quickshot.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, harem master and grooming victim.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, hot-shit destroyer of anime pussy and hot-shit destroyer of pussy.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, 600 Million Dollar Man and harem protector.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, porn protag with a penchant for paizuri and international man of incestery.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, sophisticated senpai and top of your class in the Navy SEALs.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, baby room batterer and action twink rescuer.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, dispenser of dickings on dangerous days and loving son.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, tomboy tapper, trap trainer, and totemo tanoshii otouto.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, Premium Pixiv Porn Pic Plunderer and step-orphan.
You are Cerise Soliloquy, the only actual patrician to ever browse /a/ in its entire history and congressional candidate.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, brother-in-law and sister-in-law.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, NEET and cripple.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, ecchi sketchi bitchii booper and 1% robot 1%er.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, shimaidon shaman and supporter of public utilities.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy. This is how your life ended.
You are David Darkbloom.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, trapped trap and chemical spill survivor. You've got so many red strings of fate tying you to so many girls that you're basically in shibari at this point.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, knight-errant and lord of King Darkbloom's court.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, mecha pilot and political wunderkind.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, sexpat and idolmaster.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, hot-shit destroyer of anime pussy and 422,000,000,000,000,000 time champion of the North High quiz bowl.
You are Alabaster Soliloquy, harem master.